Hi

Hi
(this is me)... in 1966-ish

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Purpose

A meaningful structure that is gonna take me towards what I want. And THAT is what gives me purpose. That's what I'm thinking about right now. (and the fact that we have 2/3 of a room of limestone laid already)

Saturday, December 8, 2007

Happiness Test

I just watched an Oprah show and it was great to see on this particular day. She was speaking with a professor about happiness. I heard a lot of good stuff that was really comforting to me. In my blog here, I have complained a lot but it doesn't mean I'm miserable. The professor was interesting because he said that happiness is a state of mind that's not dependent on your circumstances. I know that - but didn't really believe it (for me).
I've been aware of this weird reality about me for my entire life and that is that I've always been filled with joy. Always. There are people and situations that bring it out even more than usual but at the base of it all, there has always been joy in my life.
I wish I'd realized that sooner (though I've realized and forgotten that several times in my life).
There's also been great sadness in my life and there have been times that I was really depressed. (at 9 yrs. old, 19 yrs. old and around 34 & maybe 42) One time I even took Prozac for 6 weeks thinking I could just escape for a while but it only made me unable to make a decision - didn't really help much - and I detested the thought of my living a duplicitous life. (I'd rather be an obvious jerk than be a big fake). Yeah, so no drugs for me. (no I don't think all Prozac takers are jerks - but I didn't need it, that's all)
Now, at 47, I know myself. I know whether I'm happy or not (though I feel a lot of angst when I'm not). I know I'm like most folks in many ways and I know that the ups and downs I have in life are pretty normal. I know I'm really grateful every day for the people in my life, the beautiful home I have (almost) and the joy that I just naturally got - for free.
Every morning I wake up and pray and just say thank you for all the people I love. Then I pray for the things we all need... then I stretch my foot (cause I know it's gonna hurt when I step on it), then I get up and forget all about everything wonderful until the next morning when I wake up. Yikes. God must just shake his head when he hears me.
So... I took this happiness test - and I passed though not with flying colors. Here it is below.

*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***
How satisfied are you? (scale) (from Oprah.com)
1 = Not at all true
4 = Moderately True
7 = Absolutely True

In most ways, my life is close to ideal. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 (no, but it's getting there - actually, I don't like the label 'Ideal')
The conditions of my life are excellent. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 (more excellent conditions than not excellent conditions)
I am satisfied with my life. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 ( I'm not living up to my potential - the other stuff is good, but that one deficit is a biggie)
So far I have gotten the important things I want in life. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 (
absolutely I have gotten the most important things. Now what I want is me. (OMG! was that a Freudian slip? did I just say that I'm not important? yikes!)
If I could live my life over, I would change almost nothing. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 (would I change things? would I not go through those terrible things in my teenage years? would I realize that I am a singer at a young age and study voice and have a serious career in it? would I decide to accept myself as I am and never think about extra weight?) Well - only a geenie could grant all that. I learned a lot from those awful experiences (that made me who I am) should I not use them now to help someone else make better choices? or put it in my OWS - taking away the power it has had over me and teaching in the process. . . .)

Your total score: 23

If you scored 15 or under, you are dissatisfied with your life.
If you scored 31 or higher, you are extremely satisfied with your life.

If you scored somewhere in the middle, happiness expert Dr. Robert Holden has some advice on how to live a more satisfying life. Dr. Holden says the key to being happy is overcoming "destination addiction," which he defines as "living in the not-now." "It's always about tomorrow, so you're chasing 'more,' 'next' and 'there,'" he says. "You promise yourself that when you get there, you'll be happy. And I promise you, you won't, because you'll always set another destination to go for." OMG! does he know me? I've lived my ENTIRE life this way. Instead, Dr. Holden says if you are unhappy with your life or looking to improve your score, there are two things you can do. "We have to learn to let go of our past, we have to give up all hopes for a perfect past. I think I've done that. Let the past go, it's gone." After that, he says, "Take a vow of kindness. Be kinder to yourself and to others. Yep, that's where I go wrong. the inner critic gets me when I'm not paying attention or when I'm really tired."It's never too late to be happy," he says.

Here's a goodie - every single time I sneeze at my desk, Zoe always comes up to me and nudges me with her nose - then goes back to her bed. Awww..w..w.w.w.w.

AND the coolest thing happened to the wart on my finger (that made me think I was evolving into a witch). One day I looked at it and started fiddling with it - the black part of the center which I think is a 'seed'. Well, I noticed that the seed was protruding - then I tugged on it and OMG it was A SPLINTER that had been in my finger for 3 weeks and my poor, abused finger had become inflamed around it trying to make it come out and that swollen, inflamed little 'finger volcano' was a splinter! It has disappeared now and my finger is gorgeous again. (Thank God - that was my favorite finger).

Monday, December 3, 2007

Do we Care?

  • The water fountain lighting at the main entrance will be a little different from what the sketch and run artist planned. We, reluctant project managers - don't care.

  • The surround sound speakers will be in a good place but not as ideal as we'd originally thought because of the odd shape of the ceiling. We don't care.

  • The carpet in our bedroom should be replaced where they've taken out a large cabinet to put in a new smaller built in one. That's too much trouble and we're not willing to move our HUGE bed out of there to replace it. We don't care and will use the closet carpet for that area.

  • We have taken the tub out of Bonnie's bathroom and are replacing it cause it leaked. She's 19 now and the 'Goofy' tiles don't really suit her anymore. We were going to replace them but have recently decided that it can wait... we sensitively don't care.
  • There are others. . . . . .

I think this is how we can deal with this. We feel better not treating every single thing as if it is an emergency. Amen.

(in the meantime, the fountain frogs await their new home)